I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
