What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
