i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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