Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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