If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
