I'm gonna have a badass scar
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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