Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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