so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
