I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
True strength comes from lack of pants
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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