I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize