I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
