Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
