my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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