I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize