Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
