one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
then he tried to convert me to islam
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
