I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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