Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
