the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
