You really coming over, don't trick.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
