strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
