i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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