He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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