i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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