I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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