Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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