The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
