This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize