so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
