so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
