Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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