Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
