I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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