Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
