just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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