I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
