Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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