Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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