Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
