your room smells of hookers.
And success
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
