anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
