In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
