I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
