8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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