So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
