you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
