I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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