i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize