she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
