I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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