the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
