I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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