As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
