they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
