my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
