went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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