I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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