I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize