i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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