You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
