i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
