Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
