If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
either way he was missing a nipple.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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