Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
