I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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