You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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